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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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U.S. General Jealous That Syrian Army Allowed To Attack Citizens

WASHINGTON—U.S. Army Gen. James David Thurman admitted Friday that he felt extremely jealous of the Syrian military’s ability to relentlessly attack its own citizens. “When I saw footage of Syrian forces at a protest gunning down their fellow countrymen with total impunity, I thought, man, what I wouldn’t give to roll into Dayton, OH with 10,000 troops and take a few hundred people out,” said Thurman, who later called Syrian Gen. Abdul Fatah Qudsiya “the luckiest guy in the world.” “You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about driving a tank up to a packed movie theater and firing indiscriminately at American men, women, and children without any repercussions. But I can’t do that because we have all these stupid rules.” As of press time, Thurman had formally requested permission for “one little air strike” on Houston.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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