adBlockCheck

Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
End Of Section
  • More News

U.S. Government Opens Special 5,000-Acre Area Where Americans Can Go Blow Off Steam

RATON, NM—Federal officials on Friday unveiled a new 5,000-acre national park where frustrated Americans can blow off some steam by smashing rows of televisions with a bat, screaming at the top of their lungs into a canyon, or playing tracks by Motörhead and the Angry Samoans at extreme volumes. "I'm as angry as anyone that we can't pass an energy bill or end Don't Ask, Don't Tell," said Sen. Tom Udall (D-NM), who christened the facility by igniting the contents of a trash barrel, which he then upended and kicked down a rocky slope. "But in the meantime, the least we can do is give people a place to go where they can just fucking have at it." Opening day also included an unscheduled appearance by President Obama, who calmly entered the park, let loose a furious stream of undiluted profanity, punched several trees for 55 minutes, and then returned to Washington.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close