adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile transnational power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets. "Stretching from Maryland to California, this magnificent power strip will ensure that all our citizens have the ability to plug in as many devices as they want without all that fussing and fumbling with tangled-up cords," said Energy Secretary Steven Chu, adding that the $500 billion device was equipped with both three-prong and two-prong outlets. "Those living to the north or south of the strip may require extension cords up to 600 miles long, funding for which will be provided at the state level." Critics of the new power supply have claimed that residents tripping over the wire connected to the Hoover Dam caused this morning's nationwide blackouts.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close