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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile transnational power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets. "Stretching from Maryland to California, this magnificent power strip will ensure that all our citizens have the ability to plug in as many devices as they want without all that fussing and fumbling with tangled-up cords," said Energy Secretary Steven Chu, adding that the $500 billion device was equipped with both three-prong and two-prong outlets. "Those living to the north or south of the strip may require extension cords up to 600 miles long, funding for which will be provided at the state level." Critics of the new power supply have claimed that residents tripping over the wire connected to the Hoover Dam caused this morning's nationwide blackouts.

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