U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

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  • Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

    ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile transnational power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets. "Stretching from Maryland to California, this magnificent power strip will ensure that all our citizens have the ability to plug in as many devices as they want without all that fussing and fumbling with tangled-up cords," said Energy Secretary Steven Chu, adding that the $500 billion device was equipped with both three-prong and two-prong outlets. "Those living to the north or south of the strip may require extension cords up to 600 miles long, funding for which will be provided at the state level." Critics of the new power supply have claimed that residents tripping over the wire connected to the Hoover Dam caused this morning's nationwide blackouts.