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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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U.S. Loses U.N. Membership After Embarrassing Video Of Nation Surfaces On Internet

BRUSSELS—Representatives of the 192 remaining U.N. member states have expelled the U.S. delegation following the country's appearance last week in a compromising nine-minute video on the popular website YouTube. "These images of the United States indulging in irresponsible, lewd, and perhaps intoxicated behavior present sufficient grounds to revoke its seat in the General Assembly," Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon announced Sunday, describing the clip as "appalling" and "distasteful by any standard of human decency." "We may in the future consider membership on a strictly probationary basis if the U.S. can mature and make significant strides toward civilization." In the spirit of full disclosure, Ban admitted he did smirk a bit during the drunken stapler fight.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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