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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team Thinks It Has Let Entire Nation Down

LONDON—Members of the U.S. men's gymnastics team have continued to apologize for their fifth-place finish in Monday’s team finals, mistakenly convinced that they dashed the entire nation's dreams of Olympic glory. "They didn't even come close to letting us down," said Minnesota resident Harry Camiel, referring to the male gymnasts who earlier fought back tears as they struggled to express how deeply sorry they were for breaking the hearts of the 300 million devoted fans they believed were counting on them. "Not a big deal. We don't actually care one way or the other whether you won or lost. It's not something important like basketball." At press time, the U.S. populace was unavailable for further comment, as it was completely absorbed in highlights from the Blue Jays–Mariners game.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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