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U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team: 'Win Or Lose, We Will Cry'

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team: 'Win Or Lose, We Will Cry'

BEIJING—After settling for bronze in the Team Artistic Gymnastic event Tuesday, the U.S. men's team promised reporters that, for the remainder of the Olympics, they would weep wholeheartedly before events, mist up despite themselves while performing flairs, and sob uncontrollably in either victory or frustration following every routine. "Whether we are shedding lonely but triumphant tears because no one believed in us, or exultant tears of joy and disbelief because our teammate stuck the perfect landing following a triple back-somersault, I guarantee that together, we will shed tears at all times," said gymnast Jonathan Horton. "We will hold our quivering chins high even if the handles on the pommel horse become slick with sweat. Or tears." Team members Paul and Morgan Hamm, who were unable to attend the Olympics due to injuries, were reportedly crying in sympathy after learning the team had won a medal without them.

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