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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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U.S. Now 40 Percent Sports Paraphernalia

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a geological survey released Tuesday by the U.S. Department of the Interior, 40 percent of the nation's total land mass is now composed of sports paraphernalia. Among the paraphernalia: Ken Griffey Jr. Donruss Leaf rookie cards; Starter-brand Miami Heat windbreakers; Frank Thomas MLB replica batting helmets; limited-edition Green Bay Packers Super Bowl XXXI commemorative mouse pads; NASCAR set-of-four drink coasters; officially licensed Team USA replica Olympic hockey jerseys; The NBA's Greatest Slams videotapes; 1992 Notre Dame-Florida Sugar Bowl game programs; and Milwaukee Bucks "Tasmanian Devil" key chains.

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