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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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U.S. Soldiers Ask Rumsfeld If They Could Get Surprise Visit From Loved Ones Instead

BAGHDAD—Although U.S. troops in Iraq said they appreciated President Bush's recent surprise visit, thousands of them have petitioned the White House to arrange surprise visits from relatives and spouses as well. "As great as it was to get a visit from the commander in chief, given the choice, I'd rather see my mom," said Army Cpl. Emilio Salazar, who is serving his third tour of duty. "Or my dad, or even my girlfriend. I'm just saying, they could fit a lot of people on Air Force One." An estimated two-thirds of American military personnel in Iraq have signed the petition, with the other third saying that Iraq is still far too dangerous a place for anyone's loved ones to spend any time.

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