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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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U.S. To Host Foster Country

WASHINGTON, DC–At a press conference Monday, President Clinton confirmed that the U.S. is clearing out a portion of Montana to make room for foster country Ecuador. "Ecuador has been through some pretty rough times these last few years, bounced around from one foster homeland to another," Clinton said of the troubled South American nation, which lost its government in a March 1996 earthquake. "But it's a tough little nation, and with a lot of love and a little political stability, it's going to be just fine." Ecuador's previous host, Denmark, returned the country after just three weeks, complaining that it consumed too much of its food and petroleum.

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