Usain Bolt

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Usain Bolt

Track and Field, 100m and 200m —Jamaica

Strength: Incredibly long legs allow him to finish the 100-meter dash in just four strides

World Records Held: All the good ones

Weakness: Amazingly fast up to 400 meters, but any farther than that he gets nauseous and starts vomiting

Shoes: Got his one pair all covered in sand, but is planning to get new ones at the Olympics

Favorite Showboat Maneuver: Sawing own legs off during final 10 meters

NEXT: Oscar Pistorius