adBlockCheck

Vacation-Bound Rush Limbaugh To Do Nothing But Golf And Respect Minorities For 2 Weeks

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Vacation-Bound Rush Limbaugh To Do Nothing But Golf And Respect Minorities For 2 Weeks

PALM BEACH, FL—Popular radio personality Rush Limbaugh said on his show Tuesday that he is going to Honolulu for a 10-day vacation during which he plans to break away from his daily routine and "just play a lot of golf, eat, sleep, and treat minorities with respect and dignity." "Ten solid days of hitting the links, catching up on some reading, and not making obscene or hurtful racial comments—can't wait," said Limbaugh, adding that once he touches down on the Hawaiian island he's going to play 36 holes at the Waialae Country Club and treat Hawaii's diverse population of indigenous islanders, Filipinos, Chinese, and Japanese with the same consideration he would give white people. "Don't get me wrong—I love my job and I enjoy working my ill-informed fans into a frenzy by tapping into their deep-seeded, ignorant fears of people who are different from them. But when I'm on vacation, the phone is off, I'm not checking e-mail, and I don't even want to think about making iffy slurs or insensitive impersonations until I have to punch back in." Limbaugh also promised that he wouldn't ruin the vacation for himself by thinking about how strange it is that he's so popular.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close