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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Vacationer Checks Weather Report For Hometown

SAN FRANCISCO—Vacationing with her husband Tuesday, Judy Keck, 34, scanned The San Francisco Examiner over breakfast, looking for news about the weather in her hometown of Norfolk, VA, some 2,700 miles away. "Looks like it's starting to get nippy there," Keck said of the coastal Virginia city she will not return to for 10 days. "Bummer about the drizzling." Upon returning to her hotel room, Keck turned on The Weather Channel to check Norfolk's extended five-day forecast.

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