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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Valentine's Day Coming A Little Early In Relationship

MONROE, MI— Area resident Todd Munde, who has been dating Lisa Watros for the past three weeks, lamented Monday that Valentine's Day is coming a little early in the couple's relationship. "It's kind of weird to be doing the whole romantic flowers-and-candy Valentine's Day thing with somebody you just started seeing," said Munde, 30. "Ideally, we would have started dating last October. That way, Valentine's Day would have fallen somewhere around the four-month mark. Oh, well."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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