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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Valiant Fact-Checkers Once Again Save American Political System From Descending Into Corruption

TAMPA, FL—By bringing to light the many factual inaccuracies in vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan’s speech to the Republican National Convention on Wednesday, a gallant group of fact-checkers has once again defended the unblemished honor of American electoral politics, protecting its famed innocence from any stain of corruption. “Ryan’s accusation that the president funneled $716 billion out of Medicare at the expense of senior citizens is highly misleading, and it also ignores the fact that Ryan himself has called for identical cuts in payments to health care providers,” read a statement posted by the gallant knights of PolitiFact, who, along with their courageous brethren at FactCheck.org, have ensured our political discourse remains forever unsullied by the slightest duplicity or fraud. “Furthermore, when Ryan asserted that Obama ignored the Simpson-Bowles Commission’s plan to resolve the debt crisis, he failed to mention that he was on that commission himself and actually voted against the plan.” With the entire American populace seeing the truth behind vice presidential nominee’s lies and adjusting its political sympathies accordingly, the noble and selfless band of fact-checkers rode off victoriously into the dark of night.

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