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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Valiant Fact-Checkers Once Again Save American Political System From Descending Into Corruption

TAMPA, FL—By bringing to light the many factual inaccuracies in vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan’s speech to the Republican National Convention on Wednesday, a gallant group of fact-checkers has once again defended the unblemished honor of American electoral politics, protecting its famed innocence from any stain of corruption. “Ryan’s accusation that the president funneled $716 billion out of Medicare at the expense of senior citizens is highly misleading, and it also ignores the fact that Ryan himself has called for identical cuts in payments to health care providers,” read a statement posted by the gallant knights of PolitiFact, who, along with their courageous brethren at FactCheck.org, have ensured our political discourse remains forever unsullied by the slightest duplicity or fraud. “Furthermore, when Ryan asserted that Obama ignored the Simpson-Bowles Commission’s plan to resolve the debt crisis, he failed to mention that he was on that commission himself and actually voted against the plan.” With the entire American populace seeing the truth behind vice presidential nominee’s lies and adjusting its political sympathies accordingly, the noble and selfless band of fact-checkers rode off victoriously into the dark of night.

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