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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Valiant Fact-Checkers Once Again Save American Political System From Descending Into Corruption

TAMPA, FL—By bringing to light the many factual inaccuracies in vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan’s speech to the Republican National Convention on Wednesday, a gallant group of fact-checkers has once again defended the unblemished honor of American electoral politics, protecting its famed innocence from any stain of corruption. “Ryan’s accusation that the president funneled $716 billion out of Medicare at the expense of senior citizens is highly misleading, and it also ignores the fact that Ryan himself has called for identical cuts in payments to health care providers,” read a statement posted by the gallant knights of PolitiFact, who, along with their courageous brethren at FactCheck.org, have ensured our political discourse remains forever unsullied by the slightest duplicity or fraud. “Furthermore, when Ryan asserted that Obama ignored the Simpson-Bowles Commission’s plan to resolve the debt crisis, he failed to mention that he was on that commission himself and actually voted against the plan.” With the entire American populace seeing the truth behind vice presidential nominee’s lies and adjusting its political sympathies accordingly, the noble and selfless band of fact-checkers rode off victoriously into the dark of night.

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