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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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ValuJet Cleared To Resume Flights To Ocean Floor

After more than five months on suspension following a May 1996 crash, ValuJet Airlines has finally been given FAA clearance to resume flights to the ocean floor.

ValuJet's inaugural return flight, Flight 150, is scheduled to leave Miami International Airport early Friday morning. The non-stop flight from Miami to the Atlantic Ocean is expected to arrive at its destination, a deep undersea canyon located some 50 miles off the southern tip of Greenland, at approximately 5 p.m. EST.

According to ValuJet officials, all 279 passengers on-board Flight 150, including U.S. Undersecretary of Transportation William Eggiman and New Orleans Saints backup tight end Pete Washington, will be killed.

A large crowd of fish and sea coral are expected to greet the plane, including a school of sharks who will eat the bodies of the dead passengers.

If Flight 150 goes smoothly, ValuJet will resume a full schedule of ocean-bound flights, including regular routes from New York to the North Sea, Los Angeles to the Marianas Trench, and four non-stops daily from Chicago to Lake Michigan.

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