adBlockCheck

Business

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
End Of Section
  • More News

ValuJet Cleared To Resume Flights To Ocean Floor

After more than five months on suspension following a May 1996 crash, ValuJet Airlines has finally been given FAA clearance to resume flights to the ocean floor.

ValuJet's inaugural return flight, Flight 150, is scheduled to leave Miami International Airport early Friday morning. The non-stop flight from Miami to the Atlantic Ocean is expected to arrive at its destination, a deep undersea canyon located some 50 miles off the southern tip of Greenland, at approximately 5 p.m. EST.

According to ValuJet officials, all 279 passengers on-board Flight 150, including U.S. Undersecretary of Transportation William Eggiman and New Orleans Saints backup tight end Pete Washington, will be killed.

A large crowd of fish and sea coral are expected to greet the plane, including a school of sharks who will eat the bodies of the dead passengers.

If Flight 150 goes smoothly, ValuJet will resume a full schedule of ocean-bound flights, including regular routes from New York to the North Sea, Los Angeles to the Marianas Trench, and four non-stops daily from Chicago to Lake Michigan.

More from this section

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close