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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Vatican County Fair Sets Record For World's Largest Communion Wafer

VATICAN COUNTY—Shattering the previous Eucharistic weight record set by Cincinnati’s Sisters of Mercy convent, the Catholic Church’s College of Cardinals confirmed Friday it has baked an 800-pound communion wafer, the heaviest ever recorded, for this weekend’s Vatican County Fair. “That there’s the biggest body of Christ under the sun, friend,” said Cardinal Angelo Sodano, who personally carved the image of the cross onto the 16-foot-wide wafer. “A full foot thick, batter-dipped, and completely unleavened.” After the colossal host is displayed alongside the fair’s butter sculpture of the Crucifixion and its 450-pound blue-ribbon bishop, each of the 40,000 paying attendees will reportedly receive a piece of the wafer and 32 ounces of wine in a commemorative plastic cup.

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