adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Vegas Gives Patriots 1,000-Point Spread Over Chargers

LAS VEGAS—Major Las Vegas sports books took no time in accepting wagers on the AFC championship game, setting the line at New England +1,000 as soon as the Chargers' upset of the Colts had concluded. "Considering both [quarterback Phil] Rivers and [running back LaDainian] Tomlinson may be out for the game, we're confident that New England can put at least a grand's worth of points on the Bolts," Bellagio casino oddsmaker Sam "Fat Roll" Matusiak said Monday. "Of course, if one or both of them are healthy, that line could change five or six points, easy. Right now, though, smart money is to either fade our action on that spread for the Pats or just sit on your money." Matusiak's book is also accepting "proposition bets" on certain game situations, such as the number of touchdowns the Patriots will score during the first minute.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close