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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Vegas Gives Patriots 1,000-Point Spread Over Chargers

LAS VEGAS—Major Las Vegas sports books took no time in accepting wagers on the AFC championship game, setting the line at New England +1,000 as soon as the Chargers' upset of the Colts had concluded. "Considering both [quarterback Phil] Rivers and [running back LaDainian] Tomlinson may be out for the game, we're confident that New England can put at least a grand's worth of points on the Bolts," Bellagio casino oddsmaker Sam "Fat Roll" Matusiak said Monday. "Of course, if one or both of them are healthy, that line could change five or six points, easy. Right now, though, smart money is to either fade our action on that spread for the Pats or just sit on your money." Matusiak's book is also accepting "proposition bets" on certain game situations, such as the number of touchdowns the Patriots will score during the first minute.

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