Vegetarian Can't Bring Self To Eat IHOP's Funny Face Pancakes

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Vol 42 Issue 05

Most Fertile Irish Male Found

Irish scientists believe they have discovered the most fertile Irish male, a fifth-century warlord named Niall of the Nine Hostages with over 3 million offspring worldwide. What do you think?

Danish Cartoons Offend European Muslims

A series of recent political cartoons, published initially in Denmark and reprinted by seven other European newspapers, has offended Muslims with its depictions of Muhammad, including one with a bomb for a turban. What do you think?

Roger Federer Admits Tennis His Fourth-Favorite Sport

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—In a tearful admission following his seventh Grand Slam title at the Australian Open Sunday, Roger Federer told members of the press that, while he "like[s] tennis okay," there are at least three other sports he would...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Vegetarian Can't Bring Self To Eat IHOP's Funny Face Pancakes

BREMERTON, WA—During breakfast at the International House of Pancakes Monday, vegetarian Erica Legrand said she could not eat her Funny Face pancakes. "Not with those big maraschino eyes staring up at me," Legrand said. Upon further questioning, Legrand explained that she did not want break her "never eat anything with a face" rule.
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