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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Vegetarian Can't Bring Self To Eat IHOP's Funny Face Pancakes

BREMERTON, WA—During breakfast at the International House of Pancakes Monday, vegetarian Erica Legrand said she could not eat her Funny Face pancakes. "Not with those big maraschino eyes staring up at me," Legrand said. Upon further questioning, Legrand explained that she did not want break her "never eat anything with a face" rule.

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