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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Ventriloquist Dummy Crosses Line In Suggesting Partner Is Actual Dummy

STAMFORD, CT—In a breach of decorum never before seen in the history of the noble art, a ventriloquist's dummy named Chesterfield shocked onlookers this past Friday by referring to his partner, Professor Eugene Krebsen, as "the real dummy." Gasps turned to shouts of outrage in the Looking Glass Theater as the wooden doll's words settled across the audience, and what had been a sharp but kindhearted exchange between two seeming friends turned ugly. "Why, I couldn't believe my ears," said audience member Henrietta Flemming, sitting beside her husband, Harold Flemming. "And what's more, he lobbed that terrible insult while poor Professor Krebsen was trying to enjoy a nice glass of water." Patrons of the Looking Glass have not been this upset since stage magician Palmer the Great had the audacity to set an audience member's wallet on fire.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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