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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Vernon Wells Unsure How He'll Fit In With Aging, Overpaid Yankees

NEW YORK—Following his blockbuster move from the Los Angeles Angels, outfielder Vernon Wells admitted Thursday that he is apprehensive about fitting in with his new teammates on the aging, overpaid Yankees roster. “I just hope I can I can fit in with guys like Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Mariano Rivera, Kevin Youkilis, Mark Texeira, Ichiro Suzuki, and CC Sabathia,” said the 34-year-old Wells, who will be making $42 million over the next two seasons. “Hopefully, we can find some common ground and come together quickly.” Team sources later confirmed Wells had fit in perfectly in the Yankees locker room after fracturing his leg and going on the disabled list for the next two months.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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