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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Vick Calls Fumble In Cowboys Game 'The Worst Thing I've Ever Done'

ARLINGTON, TX—Eagles backup quarterback Michael Vick apologized to fans immediately after his team's 34-14 wild-card loss to the Cowboys Saturday, saying his fumbled handoff attempt late in the first half was "absolutely the most damning and hurtful act of [his] life." "I guess I just thought I could hand the ball off to the fullback without any repercussions, but never in my life have I been so wrong. Never," a visibly contrite Vick said to the assembled reporters. "I just want to apologize to my family, friends, and most important, the fans. There are things I have done in my time on this earth that I regret, but this fumble is undeniably the worst." Eagles fans responded to Vick's statement by saying he was absolutely correct.

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