Vick To Miss 4 Weeks With Hand Concussion

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Vol 47 Issue 39

Man Strains To Find Personalities In Pet Fish

GURNEE, IL—According to friends and family members, 34-year-old Josh Ferguson has really been pushing the bounds of credulity lately by ascribing specific personality traits to his seven tropical fish.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Vick To Miss 4 Weeks With Hand Concussion

PHILADELPHIA—Explaining that the persistent feelings of fatigue, dizziness, and nausea in Michael Vick's non-throwing hand indicate the appendage is concussed, Eagles team physicians announced the quarterback will miss the next four weeks of football. "Until tests show Mr. Vick’s right hand is reacting normally to stimuli, we cannot allow him to play or practice," a statement from the team read in part. "As of today, it has not responded correctly to our questions and seems sluggish and unfocused." Vick criticized the decision, saying that although his hand has no memory of the hit in which it was injured, it only has a mild headache.

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