Video-Camera Tips

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Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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Video-Camera Tips

Video cameras are a fun and easy way to record those special moments in life.

Here are some tips for getting the most out of them:

Video-Camera Tips


  • An important rule of thumb for the video-camera novice is that everybody in the world wants to see your toddler gorge on a slice of cake.
  • Pointing the camera at the TV screen it is hooked up to will create a wicked-cool "endless tunnel" effect which will blow your viewers' minds.
  • If your high-end digital-video camera is not operating properly, simply throw it away and buy a new one. After all, you're made of money, Mr. I Own A High-End Digital-Video Camera.
  • Don't even bother picking up the video camera until the bride is on her third drink.
  • To provide viewers with an exciting, first-person point-of-view of your life, bolt the video camera directly into your skull.
  • Before videotaping those priceless memories of that special someone, make sure to cover up the power-indicator light and leave the closet door slightly ajar.
  • If you are acclaimed Dogme 95 director Lars von Trier, stop reading this list immediately. You need no advice on digital-camera use.
  • Remember: You won't always get that perfect shot on the first try. Don't be afraid to ask the abusive, racist policeman to take it from the top.
  • Endless footage of your cat wandering away from the camera while you shout its name and try unsuccessfully to get it to look at the camera is sure to delight friends and relatives.
  • To allow for movement on the part of your subject, focus the camera on a point midway between the base of the breast and tip of the nipple.
  • To point out the futility of existence, videotape your preschooler building an elaborate sandcastle on the beach, then pull in close to capture her facial reaction as the tide rolls in and slowly destroys her creation.