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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Video Store's 'Favorites' Shelf Offers Telling Glimpse Into Manager's Psyche

ITHACA, NY–The "Favorites" shelf at King Street Video offers insight into the psyche of store manager Bruce Gannon, psychiatrists concurred Monday. "Gannon reveals much about himself with his picks," said Dr. Miles Levinson of Cornell University. "Deliverance, A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, Blue Velvet, Eraserhead, Natural Born Killers, Caligula... Apparently, he couldn't even find room for one film that does not contain sodomy, incest, or torture." Dr. Levinson recommended therapy and antidepressants for Gannon.

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