adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Vikings Stand Behind Brett Favre's Decision To Jerk Team Around For Months

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—Players, coaches, and front-office personnel are united in their support of Brett Favre's decision to waffle, demur, delay, beat around the bush, and generally yank them around for months on end while they wait for him to make a decision about his retirement. "He's a living legend and our captain, so we support him if he needs to take some time to fuck with us," said backup quarterback Tarvaris Jackson, whose future would benefit greatly from a quick decision by Favre and whose life and career are basically in limbo until the future Hall of Famer once again makes up his mind. "We could only watch in envy as he did exactly this in Green Bay all those years, but to see him jerk around your own team… It's an honor, really." Favre responded to questions abut retirement by confirming that he was planning to draw out the situation for months and would ultimately do whatever was most annoying for the team.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close