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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Villain Contends He, Hero 'Very Much Alike'

JUSTICE CITY—Two seemingly diametrically opposed figures were compared Monday as evil crimelord Cyrus Darkheart confided to longtime nemesis Captain Freedom that the two are in many ways"“very much alike." "We are not so different, are we?" Darkheart said. "You see, like me, the source of your great power is the very thing that threatens to destroy you. And yet you refuse to face it." Darkheart then noted aloud the irony of his observation before activating his doomsday device.

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