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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Vin Diesel Will Finally Kiss Car In 'Fast & Furious 6'

LOS ANGELES—Fans of the Fast & Furious franchise were reportedly thrilled this week after Universal Pictures announced the sixth installment in the series would include a long-anticipated love scene between star Vin Diesel and his character’s beloved 1970 Dodge Charger. “The sexual tension between Dom Toretto [Diesel] and his car has been simmering since the crew first stormed the world of underground racing in the first film, and now the audience will finally get to see that relationship taken to the next level,” a Universal spokesman said of the scene, which he confirmed occurs during a suspenseful chase sequence, with Diesel pausing a moment to pull the 900-horsepower automobile into an alley and passionately kiss its grill before the two screech back out onto the street. “After years of will-they-won’t-they, fans will finally get what they’ve been waiting for. Vin told us he was a little nervous about doing some of the steamier shots, but he was truly a professional about it. And trust me, he pulls it off.” At press time, representatives for both Diesel and the car had vehemently denied reports that the two were involved in an offscreen romance.

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