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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Vince Carter Hires On-Court Assistant

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—New Jersey Nets shooting guard Vince Carter announced Wednesday that he had hired an on-court assistant to handle all his non-scoring-related basketball duties. "I'm proud to introduce Miss Juliet Werner, who will be dribbling for me, setting my picks, attempting to get me steals, doing my passing, and all other manner of stuff that's been getting in the way of my shot," Carter said in a press conference held to introduce the 5'4" Werner to the public. "Juliet will be my right hand, especially as I concentrate on dunking with my left in order to become a more complete player." The NBA has not commented on Carter's hiring of Werner except to say that, because she will be paid by Carter and not the Nets, her statistics will be treated as a subset of his.

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