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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Vince Gilligan’s Brain Spoils Final Season Of ‘Breaking Bad’ For Vince Gilligan

LOS ANGELES—Despite waiting nearly a year for this Sunday’s return of the popular AMC series Breaking Bad, creator Vince Gilligan reported today that his own brain had nonetheless completely spoiled the television show’s final season for him. “I was really excited about seeing what was going to happen after Hank found out that Walt is actually Heisenberg, and to find out why Walt was in that diner alone in the season five flash-forward, but now that’s all totally ruined,” Gilligan said, confirming that his mind had not only revealed to him the entire plot of the season premiere, but also gave him a thorough scene-by-scene breakdown of every moment of the show’s final eight episodes. “The fucker totally ruined exactly what ends up happening to Walt, Jesse, Skyler, Hank, everyone! Not only that, but now I know the final scene, too.” Gilligan later told reporters that all in all, he was kind of happy his brain spoiled the show because the ending sounded “sort of shitty.”

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