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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Vince Vaughn Appears On 'Tonight Show' To Deceive Country About Latest Film

Vaughn offers 20 million viewers a tissue of lies.
Vaughn offers 20 million viewers a tissue of lies.

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Popular film actor Vince Vaughn appeared on NBC's Tonight Show Monday to brazenly and unapologetically deceive the American people about his latest movie, Couples Retreat.

"It's a really funny movie, and I think people are going to enjoy it," lied the 39-year-old performer, knowing full well that he was misleading viewers into making a decision that was not in their best interests. "It's got something for everybody."

Added Vaughn, in another willful distortion of the truth, "It's got a really fun vibe."

Sources reported that Vaughn's Tonight Show appearance was merely the latest stop on a campaign of deception currently being waged by the tall and dishonest funnyman across various media outlets. In the past week alone, Vaughn has appeared on three separate television programs and two syndicated radio programs, offering duplicitous information about Couples Retreat with no outward indication of remorse.

"This was the director's first movie, and he did a fantastic job," Vaughn said during Monday's broadcast, ensnaring filmmaker Peter Billingsley into his tangled web of deceit. "It was a real pleasure working with him. He's a terrific guy."

Aiding Vaughn in his deliberate exploitation of Americans' inherently trusting natures was Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien, who referred to a 22-second clip from the film as "very funny stuff."

O'Brien then further established himself as an untrustworthy television personality by looking directly into the camera and fraudulently assuring viewers that there would be "so much more to talk about" after the commercial break.

Vaughn and O'Brien, however, are only two of several thousand performers currently engaged in elaborately deceptive schemes designed to trick the TV-viewing public. Known for their striking good looks and charming personalities, these men and women will reportedly do anything in their power to hoodwink average citizens into watching their latest romantic comedy, network prime-time show, or low-budget made-for-TV movie.

"Why is Vince Vaughn doing this?" asked Baltimore housewife Beth Delbanco, 46. "Time and again, from Fred Claus to Four Christmases, this man has gone on TV and told me to my face, 'Go see this movie, you will enjoy it.' He's stealing my money!"

Added Delbanco, "I thought I could trust these celebrities."

Sources reported that Vaughn's Tonight Show appearance was the most blatant act of televised dishonesty since Sept. 29, when, during an appearance on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, actor Jude Law claimed that it was "good to be here."

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