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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Violence Erupts At Trump Rally After Supporters Clash With Protesting GOP Leaders

TAMPA, FL—Describing a chaotic scene that resulted in dozens of injuries, sources confirmed Tuesday that violence erupted at a rally for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump after his supporters clashed with protesting GOP leaders. “Five minutes into Trump’s speech, these really upset older guys in suits suddenly stood up and started shouting a bunch of anti-Trump stuff, and the crowd immediately started pounding on them,” said rally attendee Jared Boyton, noting that former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, who hoisted a handmade sign depicting Trump in a KKK robe beneath the words “Fascism Is Not Conservatism,” was quickly knocked out by a punch to the back of the head, and that Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham were shoved to the floor and repeatedly kicked by the angry mob. “Then [RNC chairman] Reince Priebus and [House Speaker] Paul Ryan rushed the stage and tried to grab Trump’s microphone, but the Secret Service tackled them both to the ground. They kept yelling something about how Trump must be stopped as the agents dragged them out of the building, but you couldn’t really hear what they were saying over the crowd’s boos.” Sources confirmed that the bloodied and battered Republican leaders were held overnight in the Hillsborough County Jail before being bailed out by former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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