Visa Calls Indians To Confirm They Actually Did Intend To Take On More Salary

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Vol 47 Issue 32

Seeing Eye Dog Really Blows Off Some Steam In Dog Park

FORT COLLINS, CO—From the moment he was let loose in a local dog park Saturday, golden retriever and licensed Seeing Eye dog Biscuit reportedly blew off some steam by jumping up to lick people's faces, urinating on smaller dogs, and chasing almost e...
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Visa Calls Indians To Confirm They Actually Did Intend To Take On More Salary

CLEVELAND—According to Indians team sources, an investigator within the fraud department of Visa phoned Cleveland owner Larry Dolan Thursday to discuss unusual activity on the team’s credit card—a $2.8 million purchase of Rockies pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez. “I immediately flagged the account and asked Mr. Dolan if he recently bought anything in Colorado,” said the investigator, adding that the irregularity caught the attention of his department because, according to Visa’s records, Dolan rarely spends any money around this time of year. “He usually just deposits several million dollars at the beginning of every August. But to be honest, it was spending that kind of money on a guy who is 6-9 with a 4.46 ERA that made us think the card had been stolen.” Visa also contacted Cubs owner Joseph Ricketts, not in regard to any recent account activity, but just to yell at him for fucking up another season.

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