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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Visiting Friend Okay Doing Whatever

SAN FRANCISCO—Minutes after arriving at Scott Clark's apartment Friday, college friend Marc Karam, 26, announced that he didn't really have any plans in mind for his visit, and that he would be fine doing pretty much whatever this weekend. "Up to you, man—I'm down for anything," said Karam, suggesting the two could just walk around the city for a while, check out Fisherman's Wharf, hang out in the apartment, or maybe see what Brent's up to later. "Honestly, I'm just here to see you, so it really doesn't matter to me. And hey, if you got stuff you need to do, just go do it. I brought my laptop." Clark later suggested that the two could go to Chinatown, which Karam rejected, saying he'd rather do something he hasn't done before.

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