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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?'

TRIPOLI—An uneasy voice inside the head of cheering Libyan rebel Ahmed Jibril reportedly said, "Oh, fuck, now what?" Wednesday as the jubilant fighter celebrated the downfall of Muammar Qaddafi. "Uh-oh, what happens now? Seriously, what the fuck happens now?" said the interior monologue of the smiling man who stood atop the roof of Qaddafi's former compound screaming "Freedom is ours!" and pumping his fist. "There's a massive power vacuum, and looking around, I don't really see anyone who's going to fill it. It's certainly not going to be me, I'll tell you that much. Is this country going to descend into chaos? Please, please, please don't let that happen. Someone just needs to tell me what our next step is right now or I'm seriously going to flip the fuck out." The voice inside the head of the man who exultantly fired three machine gun bursts into the air quickly added, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."

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