Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?'

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Vol 47 Issue 34

Terrelle Pryor

The Raiders acquired the controversy-ridden Ohio State quarterback in the NFL supplementary draft. Is he any good?

NFL Fans Looking Forward To Season Of Touchbacks

NEW YORK—The National Football League's decision to move kickoffs to the 35 yard line has football fans across the nation anticipating a 2011 season full of dramatic, tension-producing touchbacks, league sources report.

Novelist Has Whole Shitty World Plotted Out

GLOUCESTER, MA—As he neared completion this week on his latest novel, By The Water's Edge, author Edward Milligan marveled aloud to reporters how he was able to flesh out, in meticulous detail, every single corner of his book's vast and stunn...
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Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?'

TRIPOLI—An uneasy voice inside the head of cheering Libyan rebel Ahmed Jibril reportedly said, "Oh, fuck, now what?" Wednesday as the jubilant fighter celebrated the downfall of Muammar Qaddafi. "Uh-oh, what happens now? Seriously, what the fuck happens now?" said the interior monologue of the smiling man who stood atop the roof of Qaddafi's former compound screaming "Freedom is ours!" and pumping his fist. "There's a massive power vacuum, and looking around, I don't really see anyone who's going to fill it. It's certainly not going to be me, I'll tell you that much. Is this country going to descend into chaos? Please, please, please don't let that happen. Someone just needs to tell me what our next step is right now or I'm seriously going to flip the fuck out." The voice inside the head of the man who exultantly fired three machine gun bursts into the air quickly added, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."

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