Wacky Forensics Investigation Turns Autopsy-Turvy

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Wacky Forensics Investigation Turns Autopsy-Turvy

DETROIT—A forensics examination turned autopsy-turvy Tuesday, when Wayne County coroner Ben Frisch accidentally switched a pair of corpses. As a result of the wacky mix-up, the death of 22-year-old gunshot victim Andre Watts was determined to be a stab wound to the aortic valve, while the cause of death for 47-year-old stabbing victim Bill Lewiston was listed as "gunshot wound, left temple." "Yikes!" said the screwball coroner upon discovering his zany mistake. "Looks like I really goofed this time."