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Wacky Morning Zoo Crew DJ Threatened By Younger, Wackier Morning Zoo Crew DJ

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Wacky Morning Zoo Crew DJ Threatened By Younger, Wackier Morning Zoo Crew DJ

ATLANTA—Unyielding feelings of self-doubt have plagued popular Atlanta-area Zoo Crew DJ Steve "The Hedgehog" Stevens since early Monday morning, when the longtime WROZ radio personality's wackiness-confidence was shaken by a younger, wackier arrival on the Morning Zoo Crew staff. "I've been using the same toilet-flush sound effect for years, and yesterday Nutjob [Bob Sienkiewicz] called it 'tired,'" said Stevens, 44. "Furthermore, 'Drive-Time Atlanta''s 'Freaky Friday Follies' has featured my Bush impression novelty songs since before that upstart ever honked a bicycle horn. But, what if he's right?" According to sources close to him, the anxiety-stricken Stevens has lain sleepless in bed the past three nights, staring at the ceiling, endlessly reliving every listener call-in requesting Nutjob Bob's hugely popular "Fart-Talker" character, and pondering the soul-crushing futility of existence.

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