In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
ATLANTA—Unyielding feelings of self-doubt have plagued popular Atlanta-area Zoo Crew DJ Steve "The Hedgehog" Stevens since early Monday morning, when the longtime WROZ radio personality's wackiness-confidence was shaken by a younger, wackier arrival on the Morning Zoo Crew staff. "I've been using the same toilet-flush sound effect for years, and yesterday Nutjob [Bob Sienkiewicz] called it 'tired,'" said Stevens, 44. "Furthermore, 'Drive-Time Atlanta''s 'Freaky Friday Follies' has featured my Bush impression novelty songs since before that upstart ever honked a bicycle horn. But, what if he's right?" According to sources close to him, the anxiety-stricken Stevens has lain sleepless in bed the past three nights, staring at the ceiling, endlessly reliving every listener call-in requesting Nutjob Bob's hugely popular "Fart-Talker" character, and pondering the soul-crushing futility of existence.