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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Wacky Morning Zoo Crew DJ Threatened By Younger, Wackier Morning Zoo Crew DJ

ATLANTA—Unyielding feelings of self-doubt have plagued popular Atlanta-area Zoo Crew DJ Steve "The Hedgehog" Stevens since early Monday morning, when the longtime WROZ radio personality's wackiness-confidence was shaken by a younger, wackier arrival on the Morning Zoo Crew staff. "I've been using the same toilet-flush sound effect for years, and yesterday Nutjob [Bob Sienkiewicz] called it 'tired,'" said Stevens, 44. "Furthermore, 'Drive-Time Atlanta''s 'Freaky Friday Follies' has featured my Bush impression novelty songs since before that upstart ever honked a bicycle horn. But, what if he's right?" According to sources close to him, the anxiety-stricken Stevens has lain sleepless in bed the past three nights, staring at the ceiling, endlessly reliving every listener call-in requesting Nutjob Bob's hugely popular "Fart-Talker" character, and pondering the soul-crushing futility of existence.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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