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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Wade, Bosh, James Out For Season After Injuring Selves On First Layup Drill Of Training Camp

FORT WALTON BEACH, FL—Moments after stepping onto the practice court for the team's first layup drill of training camp Tuesday, Miami Heat stars Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, and LeBron James sustained consecutive season-ending injuries. "The team separated into two lines, Dwyane took the first layup, and he tore his MCL on his first step toward the hoop," Heat president Pat Riley told members of the media. "By the time we got him off the court, Bosh was on the ground holding his foot because he'd ruptured his Achilles tendon during the same drill. And then rebounder Carlos Arroyo gave the ball to LeBron, who dribbled twice and collapsed gasping. Apparently, he's contracted mitochondrial abnormalities that cause him to fatigue and pass out. So, that's that. There goes our season." Following the injuries, the remaining Miami Heat players reportedly introduced themselves to one other.

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