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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Wade, Bosh, James Out For Season After Injuring Selves On First Layup Drill Of Training Camp

FORT WALTON BEACH, FL—Moments after stepping onto the practice court for the team's first layup drill of training camp Tuesday, Miami Heat stars Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, and LeBron James sustained consecutive season-ending injuries. "The team separated into two lines, Dwyane took the first layup, and he tore his MCL on his first step toward the hoop," Heat president Pat Riley told members of the media. "By the time we got him off the court, Bosh was on the ground holding his foot because he'd ruptured his Achilles tendon during the same drill. And then rebounder Carlos Arroyo gave the ball to LeBron, who dribbled twice and collapsed gasping. Apparently, he's contracted mitochondrial abnormalities that cause him to fatigue and pass out. So, that's that. There goes our season." Following the injuries, the remaining Miami Heat players reportedly introduced themselves to one other.

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