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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Wade Phillips Excited About Upcoming NFL Giraffe

DALLAS—Cowboys coach Wade Phillips enthusiastically announced Tuesday that he could not wait for the 2009 NFL Giraffe on Apr. 25 and 26, mentioning several times that the animal's neck was his favorite part. "If it takes two whole days for a giraffe, you know that giraffe is a tall one," said Phillips, adding that giraffes were better than free agency because they subsist on twigs and leaves, which do not cost very much money. "When you're rebuilding a team, it's much better to use the giraffe because you can reach really high places with it." Phillips said he has been preparing for the 2009 NFL Giraffe by drawing pictures, collecting "yummy" vegetation, and ladder shopping.

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