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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Wade Phillips Wondering Why Big Egg On Top Of Lombardi Trophy

SANTA CLARA, CA—Curiously studying the sterling championship trophy ahead of Super Bowl 50, Denver Broncos defensive coordinator Wade Phillips expressed confusion to reporters Thursday over why the Lombardi Trophy has a big silver egg on top of it. “It’s a nice trophy, but I don’t get why there’s a huge egg on it,” said a visibly perplexed Phillips, furrowing his brow and crossing his arms as he wondered aloud whether large eggs were featured in some way during the first Super Bowl. “I don’t get it. Whose idea was it to put an egg on top? It’s a pretty big egg, too—a lot bigger than other eggs—but eggs don’t have anything to do with the Super Bowl. Did Vince Lombardi like eggs? Is that why?” At press time, Phillips was carefully tapping the trophy against the ground in an attempt to crack the egg open.

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