Wal-Mart Shoppers Mocked By Target Shopper

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Vol 46 Issue 08

Ski Jumper Has To Work On His Soaring

VANCOUVER—Following a disappointing 98.5-meter effort that onlookers described as a "longish hop" or "sort of a flutter," ski jumper Hans Pavelka announced Friday that he would redouble his commitment to soaring.

GM Closing Hummer

After a takeover deal with a Chinese manufacturer fell through, General Motors announced that it would shut down its Hummer line. What do you...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Wal-Mart Shoppers Mocked By Target Shopper

OKLAHOMA CITY—Local shopper Craig Klein took a moment to mock a group of patrons in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart during his drive Thursday to the Target on the other side of the highway. "Guess it's time for Cooter and Horlene to stock up on turlit paper and Cheez Doodles," Klein scoffed on his way to purchase affordable, designer-inspired bathroom supplies and a family-size bag of pita chips. "They sure don't look like they're buying any soap, I'll tell you that much. Oh, man, that is just sad." Shortly after parking at his destination, Klein was himself the focus of a raised eyebrow from a Volvo driver on her way to Crate and Barrel.

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