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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Wal-Mart Shoppers Mocked By Target Shopper

OKLAHOMA CITY—Local shopper Craig Klein took a moment to mock a group of patrons in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart during his drive Thursday to the Target on the other side of the highway. "Guess it's time for Cooter and Horlene to stock up on turlit paper and Cheez Doodles," Klein scoffed on his way to purchase affordable, designer-inspired bathroom supplies and a family-size bag of pita chips. "They sure don't look like they're buying any soap, I'll tell you that much. Oh, man, that is just sad." Shortly after parking at his destination, Klein was himself the focus of a raised eyebrow from a Volvo driver on her way to Crate and Barrel.

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