'Walking Dead' Writers Regret Naming Every Single Character 'Rick'

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Vol 49 Issue 07

Child Assured It Will Be Long Time Before He Dies

COLUMBUS, OH—Shortly after inquiring about his own mortality last night, distraught local child Eli Heffernan, 8, reportedly received assurances from both his parents that while he would indeed die, it would not be for a long, long time.

Pentagon To Award Medals To Drone Pilots

The Pentagon announced the creation of a noncombat award for pilots of drone aircraft and cyber warfare specialists, drawing ire from veterans’ groups, as the new honor would rank higher than the Purple Heart and Bronze Star for distinguished battle...

Highlights From Michael Jordan's Personal Life

With Michael Jordan turning 50 on February 17, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the former NBA superstar’s private life.  1969: Upon witnessing a group of neighborhood kids play a pickup basketball game, a 6-year-o...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

'Walking Dead' Writers Regret Naming Every Single Character 'Rick'

ATLANTA—As The Walking Dead returns to AMC for the second half of its third season, writers for the popular zombie drama told reporters Monday they are beginning to regret naming absolutely all of the characters in the series “Rick.” “When we started working on that first episode, there were just a few characters, so we figured it didn’t really matter what we called them,” said showrunner Glen Mazzara, whose writing team has since expanded the show’s ensemble cast to more than 50 unique roles, including protagonist Rick Grimes, fan favorite Rick Dixon, and a mysterious, shadowy figure known only within the show’s universe as “Rick.” “As it stands, we’re juggling three seasons’ worth of characters—men, women, children, and even zombies—all of whom are referred to as ‘Rick,’ generally without a last name. Yes, it’s confusing, but what are we supposed to do at this point? Completely change the names of all the show’s characters?” Despite the show’s convoluted naming system, AMC executives have confirmed that Sunday’s midseason premiere—in which Rick and Rick rescue Rick while Rick comes to terms with his guilt over Rick’s death—garnered a record 12.3 million viewers.

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