Walnuts Improve Area Chicken Salad

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Vol 29 Issue 24

Ask a Slaughterhouse Killing Floor Worker

Dear Slaughterhouse Killing Floor Worker: My wife and I recently moved from Florida to Minnesota, where I was offered a much better job. Problem is, she hates everything about Minnesota. Am I being cruel or is she just being stubborn? —Stump...

Local Merchant 'Sane Freddie' Driven Out of Business

SCHAUMBURG, IL—A era in discount merchandising came to an end Sunday, when the last of the famed Sane Freddie’s electronics stores closed its doors, a victim of what one industry analyst termed “the trend toward psychosis in American retail.”

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Maggie, a six-year old Australian Shepherd mix, has an unbelievable tongue that's eager to lick gravy off anything; maybe even you! Loves kids. Max, a three-year-old tabby, was given up recently by his owner. Perfect for medical experiments requiring animals with iron constitutions and high pain thresholds.

My Seed Is Pure

For eight years I have been the leading supplier of hybrid seed corn in Winneshiek County, and the reason is clear: My seed is pure! I have come to assume my dominant position in this farm community due to the high quality and timely delivery of my seed. ...

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Olympic mascot Izzy is at it again! When he's not appearing in corporate product placements, he's teaching kids worldwide that America has no cultural identity!
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Walnuts Improve Area Chicken Salad

FORT WAYNE, IN—The addition of walnuts significantly improved an area chicken salad Monday, resulting in a more enjoyable taste experience for its eaters. The salad, made by Gladys Peldsen for a dinner party, was described by one guest as “markedly improved” by the inclusion of the walnuts. The impact of the walnuts did not surprise Herbert Fremmit of the U.S. Walnut Awareness Center in Washington, DC. “Walnuts add crunchiness to the otherwise soft texture of a chicken salad.” Peldsen was reportedly pleased by the added zest.

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