WaMu Files For ChapLev

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Vol 44 Issue 51

Emerging Technologies

2009 saw a number of eye-popping new gadgets and devices available on the consumer market. Here are some of the ones that really...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

WaMu Files For ChapLev

SEATTS—Citing fallout from the sub-p mortgage disast, WaMu was forced to file for ChapLev this past Septems. "We tried to negosh our way out of total insolves, but we're in a pretty bad resesh," WaMu spokesperson William "Dubs" McClough said. "This could turn into full-on economic depresh. It's totes ridic." Dubs went on to add that all of the bank's liabilities, including deposits, covered bonds, and other secured debt, would be assumed by JP-Morgan Chase—with the exception of unsecured senior debt, which is prioritized ahead of all other subordinated debts in the event of default— thus protecting depositors and limiting insurance liability to the FDIC.

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