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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Washington Redskins Ease Tensions With Native Americans By Adding Bottle Of Booze To Logo

WASHINGTON—Hoping to alleviate the controversy surrounding their allegedly racist name, representatives for the Washington Redskins announced Thursday that they will attempt to ease tensions with the nation’s outraged Native Americans by adding a bottle of liquor to the football team’s official logo. “We have heard the complaints from the Native American community about our logo, and we are making some key design changes so that we can at last put this matter behind us,” franchise owner Dan Snyder told reporters at a press conference in which he unveiled the newest iteration of the team’s emblem, which now features a 1.75-liter plastic jug of Black Velvet blended whiskey alongside the Redskins’ traditional Indian head profile. “After years of contentious back-and-forth over the issue, we decided to come up with a logo that at last pays fitting tribute to this country’s proud native peoples. And we believe this is that logo. You redskins like-um the firewater, right?” According to team sources, in a further attempt to mend relations with the Native American community, the Redskins have elected to donate thousands of smallpox-infested blankets to the nation’s Indian reservations.

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