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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Watching Faces Of Students As They Finish 'The Lottery' Highlight Of English Teacher's Year

CHICAGO—Ninth-grade Collins High School English teacher Melissa Hamlin told coworkers Monday that the one moment she looks forward to all year, watching her students reach the end of Shirley Jackson's short story The Lottery, is rapidly approaching. "Oh, my God, the looks on their faces when they realize the villagers are actually going to stone Mrs. Hutchinson to death right then and there!" said Hamlin, who added that she never allows students to read the story as a take-home assignment. "I'm almost too excited to sleep. Oh, it's so great! They're never gonna see it coming!" According to Hamlin, the rest of the academic year is a slow but predictably horrifying downward spiral of disillusionment and unending scholastic disappointments.

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