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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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WB Press Release Details Batman Movie

In what is being described as a "foreign policy game-changer," North Korean leader Kim Jong Il will give up his nation's nuclear program in exchange for the lead role in the next Batman film. The following press release was issued by Warner Brothers pictures this morning:

"Warner Brothers, in partnership with Legendary Pictures, the U.S. State Department, and Best Pyongyang Cinema Consortium, is thrilled to announce 'National Batman Hero For The Betterment Of Economic Self-Sufficiency,' an exciting new chapter in the globally beloved Batman franchise. The film follows National Batman Hero as he takes on a host of villainous Western Capitalists who seek to rob Gotham City of its ten thousand North Korean flags during the twice-daily Dancing Flag ceremony. After besting The Riddler (South Korean President Lee Myung Bak) and USA Laugh Nemesis (the late Heath Ledger, appearing in a CGI performance created by George Lucas' Industrial Light & Magic), National Batman Hero thrusts himself with the strength of many phantoms against his greatest obstacle yet: A volcano at the center of Gotham City that threatens to bury its workers under Western propaganda literature and a dragon/snake monster who drinks the blood of workers. Under the direction of Christopher Nolan, and co-starring Celine Dion as National Batman Hero's butler Alfred, 'NBHFTBOESS' is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride featuring more than ten large-scale musical numbers that will leave you cheering in a respectful and orderly manner."

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