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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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WB Press Release Details Batman Movie

In what is being described as a "foreign policy game-changer," North Korean leader Kim Jong Il will give up his nation's nuclear program in exchange for the lead role in the next Batman film. The following press release was issued by Warner Brothers pictures this morning:

"Warner Brothers, in partnership with Legendary Pictures, the U.S. State Department, and Best Pyongyang Cinema Consortium, is thrilled to announce 'National Batman Hero For The Betterment Of Economic Self-Sufficiency,' an exciting new chapter in the globally beloved Batman franchise. The film follows National Batman Hero as he takes on a host of villainous Western Capitalists who seek to rob Gotham City of its ten thousand North Korean flags during the twice-daily Dancing Flag ceremony. After besting The Riddler (South Korean President Lee Myung Bak) and USA Laugh Nemesis (the late Heath Ledger, appearing in a CGI performance created by George Lucas' Industrial Light & Magic), National Batman Hero thrusts himself with the strength of many phantoms against his greatest obstacle yet: A volcano at the center of Gotham City that threatens to bury its workers under Western propaganda literature and a dragon/snake monster who drinks the blood of workers. Under the direction of Christopher Nolan, and co-starring Celine Dion as National Batman Hero's butler Alfred, 'NBHFTBOESS' is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride featuring more than ten large-scale musical numbers that will leave you cheering in a respectful and orderly manner."

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