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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Wealthy, Famous Individual Described As ‘Totally Down-To-Earth’ By Thousands Of Acquaintances, All Of Whom Are Lying

LOS ANGELES—A high-powered, rich, and famous industry player is routinely described as “low-key” and “totally down-to-earth” by countless acquaintances and friends, each and every one of whom is lying through their teeth, sources confirmed Thursday. “He’s just like this cool, normal guy,” said one lying acquaintance, trying to project an image wherein the massive celebrity seems approachable and humble, both attributes that the Hollywood megastar doesn’t even come close to embodying. “I knew him before he had all this success, and trust me, wealth hasn’t changed him. He’s friendly, relatable, and just a general salt-of-the-earth dude.” At press time, the celebrity’s acquaintances were checking this article to see if they were quoted, in hopes that the famous individual would also see the piece, take note of their loyalty, and then go on to use his industry clout to give them opportunities to make large sums of money or acquire fame themselves.

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