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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Wealthy, Famous Individual Described As ‘Totally Down-To-Earth’ By Thousands Of Acquaintances, All Of Whom Are Lying

LOS ANGELES—A high-powered, rich, and famous industry player is routinely described as “low-key” and “totally down-to-earth” by countless acquaintances and friends, each and every one of whom is lying through their teeth, sources confirmed Thursday. “He’s just like this cool, normal guy,” said one lying acquaintance, trying to project an image wherein the massive celebrity seems approachable and humble, both attributes that the Hollywood megastar doesn’t even come close to embodying. “I knew him before he had all this success, and trust me, wealth hasn’t changed him. He’s friendly, relatable, and just a general salt-of-the-earth dude.” At press time, the celebrity’s acquaintances were checking this article to see if they were quoted, in hopes that the famous individual would also see the piece, take note of their loyalty, and then go on to use his industry clout to give them opportunities to make large sums of money or acquire fame themselves.

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