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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Weary Nation Happy It Gets To Watch Socio-Political Failings Of Another Country For 2 Weeks

WASHINGTON—Ahead of the highly anticipated Summer Olympics in Rio, millions of weary and emotionally exhausted Americans expressed excitement Friday at getting the chance to watch the socio-political failings of another country for two weeks. “After spending pretty much every day being confronted by growing income inequality and political corruption here at home, it’ll be kind of nice to turn on the TV and watch another country fall apart at the seams for a little while,” said 36-year-old Philadelphia resident Greg Thatcher, echoing the sentiments of Americans across the country who confirmed that they are looking forward to the next 16 days of viewing a different nation crippled by failing schools, inadequate health care, and a crumbling transportation infrastructure. “Seeing the U.K. collapse in on itself from inept leadership and government infighting was nice, but that only lasted for a few days. Now, we have a good two weeks ahead of us to watch a democratic society other than ours fracture at every level and drive itself into total ruin. I can’t wait.” Many Americans also confirmed that they are already looking forward to a full month of watching the decline of a different global superpower during the 2018 World Cup in Russia.

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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