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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic

CHICAGO—Following several unsuccessful attempts to find a specific article on a national media website, readers confirmed Monday that the built-in search engine found in the upper-right-hand corner of the online publication is nothing short of useless. “For example, I wanted to find a story they did recently about Michael Bay, and so I typed in his name, but the first results that came up were articles about NASA, Jim Harbaugh, and aliens,” said longtime reader Courtney Dunning, who admitted to reporters she was surprised that a website with two decades of backlogged content would have such a poorly designed and ineffective method for accessing its archived material. “Searching for ‘Michael Bay’s new movie’ didn’t get me anywhere, either. In fact, even when I typed in the exact headline of the article, it told me no results could be found.” As of press time, Dunning had reportedly abandoned the website’s search bar, Googled what she was looking for, and found it on her first attempt.

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