Wedding Catering Cart Videotaped For Posterity

Top Headlines


Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter

JOHNSTOWN, PA—Saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for, local man William Swanson, 44, told reporters Thursday he is strictly a single-gender voter.

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other.

Woman Worried She Doing Bad Job Enjoying Massage

MALVERN, PA—Silently wondering throughout the hour-long appointment if there was anything she could be doing to enhance the experience, local woman Caitlyn Leigh reportedly worried Wednesday that she was doing a bad job enjoying the full-body massage she was receiving.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Wedding Catering Cart Videotaped For Posterity

PAWTUCKET, RI—As part of uncle-of-the-bride Ronald Schwepp's extensive coverage of the Schwepp-Ploman wedding, a reception-dinner catering cart was videotaped for posterity Saturday.

The catering cart, as captured on vieotape for viewing by future generations.

The cart has been preserved for countless future generations on one of the four unlabeled two-hour VHS tapes Schwepp filled at the event.

"I was serving plates to some of the back tables when I noticed [Schwepp] videotaping my cart," said Four Starz Catering employee Erin Ringler, 18. "It was obvious that he didn't want to miss capturing an important detail of the wedding like what kind of trays the food came on, so I stepped aside to give him a clear shot."

"At some point in the future, someone might be telling a story about Jen and Travis' wedding and realize they've forgotten how big the catering carts were, or how many wheels they had," Ringler said. "That person can now simply refer to the tape."

The shaky, hand-held footage of the tri-level wheelable wooden cart was taken between 6:20 and 6:27 p.m., according to the ever-present read-out in the lower left-hand corner of the video.

UCLA film and media expert Randall Phelps praised Schwepp's work.

"Thanks to this exhaustive documentary, future generations of Schwepps and Plomans will not be left to wonder in what manner pieces of the wedding cake were delivered to the tables," Phelps said. "Their heirs will know, for the cart will be right before their very eyes on the television screen, as if they were witnessing it firsthand."

"These progeny will also know which entree selection was preferred, based on Schwepp's shots of the dirty plates on the bus carts," he added.

The catering cart, the subject of seven of the 478 minutes of wedding footage, is one of more than 300 objects videotaped by Schwepp at the event. Among the others: a stack of folding chairs, Cousin Beverly's discarded corsage, the DJ station, a tray of rum and Cokes, the streamers on the bathroom doors, a Chrysler LeBaron convertible in the parking lot, and the soda machines in the vending area down the hall.

Equal time is devoted to the exchange of vows, the bushes outside the church, the best man's toast at dinner, and a lengthy pan of the empty hotel jacuzzi.

"Our descendants will not be forced to wonder what happened at the Ramada West on August 14," Phelps said. "Our children, our children's children, and their children can see all the events of this sacred day: the ceremony, the dinner, the dance, and Ronald Schwepp's 19-minute van ride from the church to the reception."

The videotapes are now in the hands of the newlyweds, who have filed them safely away on the top shelf of a hall closet, where they will remain untouched, assured of their place in history.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close